Arise! Arise! Arise!

I am about to get ready for dinner with some friends at a Teppanyaki restaurant where free flow seafood, sushi, and sake is the order of the evening. The challenge beyond imbibing optimal quantities of food and drink so that jeans stay intact and gut still postulates one area code, is to remain in that gray area between sobered fatigue and inebriated sopor by 5 in the morning.

This is because on the first day of every month, the flag is raised at Tiananmen Square with especial gravitas, with the aid of a live marching band and singing of the national anthem. And our mission, is to last tonight throughout all-you-can-eat sushi, all-you-can-drink sake and plum wine, through the night and into the morning frost at Tiananmen Square to watch it all take place! If successful, the pictures will be posted soon.

The national anthem:

Arise! People who refuse to be slaves!
Make our flesh and blood into our new Great Wall!
As the Chinese nation faces its greatest peril,
Everyone is forced to give a last roar.
Arise! Arise! Arise!
Our million hearts beat as one,
Braving the enemy's fire, March on!
Braving the enemy's fire, March on!
March on! March on! On!

hutong life

Have you ever had a week where the days blended into eachother and seconds become hours and dawns into days, and you're left reeling in stupor like what the bonkers just happened? ...I guess its a Beijing thing then.

I vaguely remember attending the Best of Beijing Restaurant awards on Monday, where I got a peek at Ai Wan, the actress cum socialite cum nightclub owner of the Chinadoll establishment in Beijing. I was um, a bit taken aback by how much (or not) it takes to make it big in the Beijing nightlife arena. Gold discoball dress, tacky haircut, highpitched voice and all. Highlight was definitely catching a peek at the legendary Daniel Boulud of the newly opened Maison Boulud in Beijing's legation quarter. I cannot wait to pay his instutition a visist next month during gourmet month when prices fall down from the heavens a bit so that us mere mortals can enjoy French cuisine fit for the gods.

Let's skip over Tuesday and Wednesday, for reasons unexplicable. Something about a national Irish drinking holiday and open bar plus tequila. Wouldn't want to bore you with the details. Fast forward to Thursday, when I went to the gorgeous Opposite House Hotel with my fabulous friend Dave and witnessed Beijing's community of gays and lesbians out in full flamboyancy on the resident gay night at the boutique hotel's swank Mesh Bar. I was propositioned for the first time by a woman. Flattering, but she quickly found out that, unless you are Scarlett Johanson or Halle Berry, my answer is likely going to be no. And that's about as climactic as my week got.

Yesterday Clare, Cat and I did some sightseeing at the Lama Temple and took a walk through the surrounding hutongs. Some lovely photos from that to come. And now I'm off with three friends for a couple days in Sancha, a remote village next to the most untouched part of the great wall. I cannot wait to get away from the city and breathe in some mountain air!

JJJen

blind date

I pretty much just died.

via the Jinius

Much has been said about the woes of online dating. You think you may have chemistry over the internet but who’s to say that you will have anything in common face to face? How well can you really get to know someone online?

Lets follow a couple on their first blind date and find out. We will see that what seems like your run of the mill blind date can quickly turn into something much more than you signed up for.

BLIND DATE
INT. RESTAURANT-EVENING

JILL, an Asian woman in her late twenties, is having dinner with ROGER, a white man also in his late twenties. They are both dressed nicely and engaged in the type of friendly, but reserved banter that is characteristic of blind dates. But as the night progresses, they warm up to each other.

JILL
(holding up a wine glass)
Well, cheers to first dates.

ROGER
Cheers.

JILL
Can I be honest for a second?

ROGER
Who doesn’t like unsolicited honesty on a first date?

JILL
I just want to say that after all those email exchanges, I’m so glad that we’re finally meeting in person. You’re so refreshing.

ROGER
Really? I was just thinking that about you.

JILL
I’m so flattered.

ROGER
Even your profile was refreshing.

JILL
Your’s too. For once, a guy didn’t say that he was obsessed with Japan or Buddhism. And didn’t describe himself as “laid back” or “outgoing” or “confident”.

ROGER
It’s not their fault they only know three adjectives.

JILL
Or that they got these words from a sixth grade personality test.

ROGER
The women would always write: “I love going out but I equally enjoy staying in.” What does that even mean? Oh, and of course they were very laidback.

JILL
I’m not laid back. In fact, I’m always standing up straight.

ROGER
So am I. (nervously laughs) And you want to ask them, are you really laid back in all situations? Because if there were a fire in the building, I would not be laid back. I’d be screaming like a horse in slaughter.

ROGER laughs and accidentally lets out a nay.

JILL
What was that? Sounds like they let a horse in here.

ROGER shrugs his shoulders.

JILL
So have you gone on alot of these internet dates?

ROGER
Actually, this is only my second. How about you?

JILL
Oh, yeah, me too. This is my second or…twentieth.

ROGER
You must be pretty open minded.

JILL
Totally. I dated three gay men. But in my defense, they didn’t know they were gay at the time.

ROGER
I am pretty sure I’m straight.

JILL
I haven’t seen your shoes yet so I can’t be so sure. I think it’s a red flag when the guy has higher heels than me.

ROGER
Another red flag could be that he’s into men.

JILL
What about you? You’ve never dated any questionable people?

ROGER
I haven’t really dated that much. I guess I just never felt comfortable enough. Didn’t have that connection. Until now.

JILL
Can I be honest with you about something?

ROGER
I think you only get two honesty passes for the first date.

JILL
I kinda fibbed on my profile.

ROGER
So you’re not really Asian?

JILL
I never read Fight Club. I just said that I liked it because I thought I mentioned too many Jane Austen books and I wanted to even things out a little. In fact, I have no interest in reading Fight Club. It just sounds so violent. Why couldn’t it have been called Book Club?

ROGER
I guess I should also say something honest. I don’t want children.

JILL
Most men wait until the third course to tell you that information.

ROGER
I thought it was important. In our last email exchange you mentioned how you wanted a dozen kids.

JILL
No, I said a dozen would be the maximum.

ROGER
Either way, I wanted to put it out there.

JILL
Okay, well, that’s cool. My parents would rather me marry an Asian guy anyway and pass down our Asian genes.

ROGER
Great, so there’ll be more bad drivers on the road. (beat) Look, I think you’re very fun and we should just see where this goes.

JILL
Sounds good.

ROGER
Excuse me, just have to use the restroom really quick.

ROGER gets up from the table and JILL observes for the first time that while ROGER has the head and upper body of a man in his late twenties, he has the bottom half of a horse. JILL tries to mask her disbelief that ROGER is, in fact, a centaur–a half man/half horse that is usually found in mythological stories. ROGER notices that JILL’S face is ghost white and her mouth is agape.

ROGER (CONT’D)
Is there something wrong?

JILL
You have four legs.

ROGER, sensing that a serious discussion is about to ensue, trots back to the table.

ROGER
I thought you knew.

JILL
Knew what? That you are a CENTAUR?

ROGER
Can you keep your voice down?

JILL
Oh, I’m the one who should be worried about attracting attention?

ROGER
Jill, I’m sorry. I thought you knew.

JILL
Now it all makes sense. The photos with only upper body shots. The not getting up from the table when I walked into the restaurant. The constant references to CS Lewis!!! I guess I should have double checked your body type in your profile. I didn’t realize they had “slim”, “muscular”, “athletic”, CENTAUR.

ROGER
You weren’t exactly so forthcoming with your body type either.

JILL
Excuse me?

ROGER
I mean, when you said slender, you didn’t say badunkadunk.

JILL
Oh, I think we know who would win the badunkadunk championship here, buddy!

ROGER
I’m sorry. Maybe we should just get the check. This was a bad idea.

JILL
Yeah, this is a bad reality show on Bravo. Who wants to marry a CENTAUR??? Good thing you said you didn’t want children. Otherwise I’d have to tell my parents, “Hey, mom, dad: not only are your kids half Asian, but they are half horse!

ROGER
I thought you said you were open minded.

JILL
I am open minded about religion, politics, race. Just a little more conservative when it comes to mythological creatures! I’m sorry. I…I’m just not used to this.

ROGER
It’s okay. Most people aren’t.

JILL
You know, when I said that thing about Barbaro and how they should’ve shot him like Kujo. I was only kidding.

ROGER
It’s okay. How about we just switch the subject?

JILL
You got it.

ROGER
Lets try to pretend that we’re just on a normal blind date having normal blind date conversation.

JILL
Sounds great.

ROGER
Do you like to go dancing?

JILL
Oh, no. I’m awful at dancing. I’ve got two left. (muttering) I guess you do too.

ROGER
Okay, and we’re done.

JILL
Maybe we could just stay friends and just chalk it up to bad internet dating.

ROGER
Yeah, you’re right.

JILL
And I’m sure you’ll find someone special. We both have equally good chances of finding someone. I’m almost thirty and single in New York City. And you’re a half man, half horse. The odds must be the same.

A young, voluptuous woman in a clingy red dress walks over to the table.

YOUNG WOMAN

I’m sorry, I hope I’m not interrupting anything but National Velvet is my favorite movie and I haven’t been able to take my eyes off you ever since you galloped in here. What do you say we go back to my place and pretend it’s the Kentucky Derby?

ROGER

See, ya, Jill. Good luck finding a date on the internet.
The young woman gets on top of ROGER and the two trot off. JILL stirs her wine glass.

JILL
I should’ve tried J-date.

the way i see it

Harbin

Warning: Do not scroll down if you love chickens.

chinese reggae and russian bar fights...

Long hiatus from the blog. I've been without internet in China's northern most province this past weekend, Heilongjiang. It is as barren as you can get in China, with one of its few claims to fame being the city of Harbin, which can only be described as neon lights and ice. It is on the Russian border and gets many of its architectural influences from its neighbour. I wanted to visit Harbin before it warms up because I hear the city is pretty much useless when there's no snow scenery. There was actually an ice sculpture festival a few weeks back which we unfortunately missed, and the remnants of which are now off limits to visitors for safety reasons. So we made do by just looking at the melting ice castles from afar. Basically we tried escaping Beijing's frosty weather only to end up in a city 20 degrees colder.

Harbin is an 11 hour train ride away, and a big group of us took a hard sleeper overnight last Thursday. The hard sleepers are the budget of the sleeper trains and feature an open cabin with rows and rows of three tiered bunk beds about half a meter wide and half a meter apart. We were all assigned the top bunk, which is the worst considering the roof is so low you can't sit up in bed. Instead we opted to create ruckus in the dining car with cheap Chinese rice alcohol and Vodka in honour of the Trans-Syberian railway. The workers and poor Chinese travellers were not so amused.

The city is a massive hazard to itself. City council has never heard of snow removal or salt as a melting agent, and every street is thickly paved with shiny black ice. Sightseeing on the first day consisted of slipping and sliding through the downtown monuments, wiping snot, and trudging around with miserably wet shoes and feet. The next day we went to the Japanese Germ Warfare Museum, and let's just say I would not want to go there if I were Japanese. The articles on display were from the second world war when Japan occupied parts of China and used Harbin as a biological weaponry research ground, using instruments for human torture that were provocatively disturbing, but I probably could have done with a more reflective and less anti-Japanese message.

Harbin's other attraction is the many bath houses scattered around the city, ranging from seedy houses with neon lighting to 4 star hotels promoting the most luxurious of hedonistic relaxation. We hit up a place that was recommended by our hotel concierge and just melted in its luxury. For 38 RMB ($6) you could stay in the spa all day, take a warm bath, play pool, lounge in your own bed with personal dvd player, receive a massage, get your body beauty-scrubbed by women in bikinis and combat boots, enjoy three meals a day of all-you-can-eat seafood, and get your every wish attended to by the keen staff. Well, not every wish as our friend discovered when he asked his masseuse to marry him and move to Holland.
The city knows how to live.

The last major attraction was a Siberian Tiger Park, where hundreds of tigers are on display in fenced fields, and you get to buy live chickens, pheasants, and even goats to feed the tigers and watch them fight over the kill. Not exactly everyone's cup of tea, I know, but I was more engrossed by the sheer animalistic carnage than horrified by the cruelty we were promoting and paying to enjoy. The boys thought it was the most awesome thing they'd ever seen... Peta could have had a field day, but the way I see it, it was a mirrored reflection of the wild. The animal kingdom works around a hierarchy and survival is a luxury reserved for the fittest. No? lol... I should stop digging myself a hole.
This is one for the "Only in China" category.

Harbin wasn't the most exciting of cities, and it definitely could be less of an eye-sore, if only they took down half of the tacky lights stringing every lamp post and tree. But the experience of China's coldest city, the amazing company to do it all with, and the ridiculous laughs that came with it, made it a weekend to remember.

Pictures to follow soon.

For now, here's a video of the Lions of Puxi, a reggae group from Shanghai who sing in Chinese, English, and French. Totally rad. I went to see them perform live at Yugongyishan, this sick live music venue located in a Hutong last week, and was blown away by the sheer goodness. Enjoy =)

old and new